The Path of Love

Love is a basic human trait. It is our nature to love and want to be loved. Love may be true love for love’s sake or it may be with a motivation. The most exemplary love is between the mother and her child. She changes her life from the time she conceives until the child is on its own. This love continues for ever. As the baby grows and becomes playful, the mother enjoys its antics. This carries on but at some stage the mother starts thinking of what her child would do for her when he (or she) grows up. This leads to attachment. Attachment becomes bondage and the selfless love changes to one with expectations. This is so in most relationships including siblings, friends and spouses. Everyone has expectation from the other. This is not true love. Guru Nanak explains:

ਨਾਨਕ ਗਾਲੀ ਕੂੜੀਆ ਬਾਝੁ ਪਰੀਤਿ ਕਰੇਇ ॥ ਤਿਚਰੁ ਜਾਣੈ ਭਲਾ ਕਰਿ ਜਿਚਰੁ ਲੇਵੈ ਦੇਇ ॥੨॥੧੫੯੪

One feels good as long as one keeps receiving from the other;

but without love it is a false relationship (M: 1, SGGS, p 594).

There is one love however that remains selfless for ever. This is the love the Creator has for His creation.

Gurbani shows a close relationship between God and man (used generically and includes woman) in many ways notably like a parent and spouse. In human life also these two relationships are the closest. There is an amazing similarity between the God-man relationship on the one hand and parent-child or inter-spouse relationships on the other. The Gurbani verses that follow bring this out beautifully.

Let us start with the parent-child relationship:

ਜਿਉ ਜਨਨੀ ਗਰਭੁ ਪਾਲਤੀ ਸੁਤ ਕੀ ਕਰਿ ਆਸਾ ॥

ਵਡਾ ਹੋਇ ਧਨੁ ਖਾਟਿ ਦੇਇ ਕਰਿ ਭੋਗ ਬਿਲਾਸਾ ॥

ਤਿਉ ਹਰਿ ਜਨ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਿ ਹਰਿ ਰਾਖਦਾ ਦੇ ਆਪਿ ਹਥਾਸਾ ॥੧॥੪੧੬੫-੬੬

The way the mother looks after the fetus expecting a child;

Who would earn and be a source of livelihood and pleasure;

Similarly God looks after and supports the devotees (M: 4, SGGS, p 165).

ਜਿਉ ਜਨਨੀ ਸੁਤੁ ਜਣਿ ਪਾਲਤੀ ਰਾਖੈ ਨਦਰਿ ਮਝਾਰਿ ॥ ਅੰਤਰਿ ਬਾਹਰਿ ਮੁਖਿ ਦੇ ਗਿਰਾਸੁ ਖਿਨੁ ਖਿਨੁ ਪੋਚਾਰਿ ॥ ਤਿਉ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਗੁਰਸਿਖ ਰਾਖਤਾ ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਿ ਪਿਆਰਿ ॥੧॥ —

The way the mother brings up the child always keeping it within sight at home and outside;

Feeds it and keeps it looking good; similarly God looks after the devotee with love —

As may be seen the biological mother and God both look after, but whereas the mother has expectations God has none. The child starts loving the mother because for it can see what she does. So is God for all but because He is formless and remaining engrossed in what He gives, we remain oblivious of Him. The Guru helps to remove this ignorance:

ਮੇਰੇ ਰਾਮ ਹਮ ਬਾਰਿਕ ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਕੇ ਹੈ ਇਆਣੇ ॥

ਧੰਨੁ ਧੰਨੁ ਗੁਰੂ ਗੁਰੁ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਪਾਧਾ ਜਿਨਿ ਹਰਿ ਉਪਦੇਸੁ ਦੇ ਕੀਏ ਸਿਆਣੇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥੪੧੬੮

My Lord, I am an ignorant child of yours;

glory be to the Guru, my teacher who made me conscious, of You, by his word: Pause:

(M: 4, SGS, p 168)

With Guru’s grace man feels God’s presence and says:

ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਪਿਤਾਤੂੰਹੈ ਮੇਰਾ ਮਾਤਾ ॥ ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਬੰਧਪੁ ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਭ੍ਰਾਤਾ ॥

ਤੂੰ ਮੇਰਾ ਰਾਖਾ ਸਭਨੀ ਥਾਈ ਤਾ ਭਉ ਕੇਹਾ ਕਾੜਾ ਜੀਉ॥੧॥੫੧੦੩

You are my father and mother; my relative and sibling;

You protect me everywhere so I have no worries (M: 5, SGGS, p 103).

In Arabic love is called Ishq and the lover Aashiq. Ishq is of two categories, Ishq-e-Haqiqi the true love as between God and the devotee; and Ishq-e-Majaazi the carnal love of flesh as between man and woman. The latter love can also become real if the two souls of man and woman identify with each other, merging into one. Gurbani takes note of this and says:

ਏਹ ਕਿਨੇਹੀ ਆਸਕੀ ਦੂਜੈ ਲਗੈ ਜਾਇ ॥

ਨਾਨਕ ਆਸਕੁ ਕਾਂਢੀਐ ਸਦ ਹੀ ਰਹੈ ਸਮਾਇ ॥

ਚੰਗੈ ਚੰਗਾ ਕਰਿ ਮੰਨੇ ਮੰਦੈ ਮੰਦਾ ਹੋਇ ॥

ਆਸਕੁ ਏਹੁ ਨ ਆਖੀਐ ਜਿ ਲੇਖੈ ਵਰਤੈ ਸੋਇ ॥੧॥੨੪੭੪

What type of love it is if one looks elsewhere?

a true lover is one who is ever absorbed in the beloved;

But people are happy in gain and sad in loss;

One who calculates cannot be called a lover (M: 2, SGGS, p 474).

The fifth Guru puts it thus:

ਆਸਕੁ ਆਸਾ ਬਾਹਰਾ ਮੂ ਮਨਿ ਵਡੀ ਆਸ ॥

ਆਸ ਨਿਰਾਸਾ ਹਿਕੁ ਤੂ ਹਉ ਬਲਿ ਬਲਿ ਬਲਿ ਗਈਆਸ ॥੨॥੫੧੧੦੦

A lover is one who has no expectation, but I expect a lot;

O Lord You alone are bereft of expectations; I am all praise for You (M: 5, SGGS, p 1100).

Sheikh Farid likens selfish love to living under a broken roof in rain. Such love cannot last for long:

ਫਰੀਦਾ ਜਾ ਲਬੁ ਤਾ ਨੇਹੁ ਕਿਆ ਲਬੁ ਤ ਕੂੜਾ ਨੇਹੁ ॥

ਕਿਚਰੁ ਝਤਿ ਲਘਾਈਐ ਛਪਰਿ ਤੁਟੈ ਮੇਹੁ ॥੧੮॥ਫ੧੩੭੮

What love it is if there is desire for gain; love linked with desire is false;

How long can we live under a broken roof in rain? (Farid, SGGS, p 1378).

The God-creature love is such that we may expect from God but He does not. There is gain for the creature in it, yes, but it has to be deserved by being acceptable to God. The seekers achieve this by single minded devotion:

ਹਰਿ ਭਗਤਿ ਹਰਿ ਕਾ ਪਿਆਰੁ ਹੈ ਜੇ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਕਰੇ ਬੀਚਾਰੁ ॥

ਪਾਖੰਡਿ ਭਗਤਿ ਨ ਹੋਵਈ ਦੁਬਿਧਾ ਬੋਲੁ ਖੁਆਰੁ ॥੩੨੮

Devotion to God is to love God; this is learnt by contemplating on the guru’s teachings;

Pretence is not devotion; duality ultimately results in frustration (M: 3, SGGS, p 28).

ਰੈਣਿ ਦਿਨਸੁ ਰਹੈ ਇਕ ਰੰਗਾ ॥ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਕਉ ਜਾਣੈ ਸਦ ਹੀ ਸੰਗਾ ॥

ਠਾਕੁਰ ਨਾਮੁ ਕੀਓ ਉਨਿ ਵਰਤਨਿ ॥ ਤ੍ਰਿਪਤਿ ਅਘਾਵਨੁ ਹਰਿ ਕੈ ਦਰਸਨਿ ॥੧॥

ਹਰਿ ਸੰਗਿ ਰਾਤੇ ਮਨ ਤਨ ਹਰੇ ॥ ਗੁਰ ਪੂਰੇ ਕੀ ਸਰਨੀ ਪਰੇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ ===੫੧੮੧

The devotees live in equipoise perceiving God ever with them;

God’s Naam is their way of life; God’s presence gives them satisfaction;

Thus imbued their mind and body blossom and they thank the Guru for it (M: 5, SGGS, p 181).

God loves His devotees:

ਪ੍ਰਭ ਕੋ ਭਗਤਿ ਵਛਲੁ ਬਿਰਦਾਇਓ ॥ ਕਰੇ ਪ੍ਰਤਿਪਾਲ ਬਾਰਿਕ ਕੀ ਨਿਆਈ ਜਨ ਕਉ ਲਾਡ ਲਡਾਇਓ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥੫੪੯੮

It is God’s nature to love His devotees;

He rears and pampers them like children: Pause: (M: 5, SGGS, p 498).

In terms of closeness, the mother-child relationship is followed by that between the spouses. This is generally described only in terms of body relationship. For example the Bible says:

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

Similarly in Hindus parlance the wife is called ardhangni i.e. half the body. ‘Ang’ means a limb of the body. It is worth noting that in both cases it is the body relationship with importance given to the male body.

According to Gurmat husband and wife are two bodies but one soul – two souls that identify with each other to become one:

ਧਨ ਪਿਰੁ ਏਹਿ ਨ ਆਖੀਅਨਿ ਬਹਨਿ ਇਕਠੇ ਹੋਇ ॥

ਏਕ ਜੋਤਿ ਦੁਇ ਮੂਰਤੀ ਧਨ ਪਿਰੁ ਕਹੀਐ ਸੋਇ ॥੩॥੩੭੮੮

Wife and husband are not those who just live together.

Only when the two are same in spirit are they are called husband and wife (M: 3, SGGS, p 788).

True love between spouses is therefore spiritual; a union of two spirits, and their merging to become one. This is the real meaning of conjugal love, i.e. two bodies and one soul.

This close relationship is also used as a metaphor to describe that between the soul and God or the Supreme Soul from where the soul came. This is how. God resides in all creatures; a part of Him called soul gives life to the body. The way husband and wife live in one house; God and soul are in the same body. Here again therefore there are two entities and one spirit.

When two entities live together there can be clash of egos. This causes cleavage between them. They are then so near and still so far. This applies equally to the two relationships of spouses and the God-soul. Clash of egos in humans is well known but also happens to the other because the soul affected by the temptations through the sensory organs drifts away in ego from God. It is interesting that it is the same soul in both cases.

ਧਨ ਪਿਰ ਕਾ ਇਕ ਹੀ ਸੰਗਿ ਵਾਸਾ ਵਿਚਿ ਹਉਮੈ ਭੀਤਿ ਕਰਾਰੀ ॥

ਗੁਰਿ ਪੂਰੈ ਹਉਮੈ ਭੀਤਿ ਤੋਰੀ ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਮਿਲੇ ਬਨਵਾਰੀ ॥੪॥੧॥੪੧੨੬੩

The wife and husband reside together but a strong wall of ego develops between them;

The Guru breaks the wall of ego and the wife unites with the Master (M: 4, SGGS, p 1263).

Temptations give transitory pleasure and their influence is inebriating:

ਨੈਨਹੁ ਨੀਦ ਪਰ ਦ੍ਰਿਸਟਿ ਵਿਕਾਰ ॥ ਸ੍ਰਵਣ ਸੋਏ ਸੁਣਿ ਨਿੰਦ ਵੀਚਾਰ ॥ ਰਸਨਾ ਸੋਈ ਲੋਭਿ ਮੀਠੈ ਸਾਦਿ ॥ ਮਨੁ ਸੋਇਆ ਮਾਇਆ ਬਿਸਮਾਦਿ ॥੧॥੫੧੮੨

The eyes are inebriated looking viciously at others’ wealth or beauty;

The ears listening to slander and thinking about it;

The tongue s inebriated savoring tasty food (M: 5, SGGS, p 182).

ਏਕਾ ਸੇਜ ਵਿਛੀ ਧਨ ਕੰਤਾ ॥ ਧਨ ਸੂਤੀ ਪਿਰੁ ਸਦ ਜਾਗੰਤਾ ॥

ਪੀਓ ਮਦਰੋ ਧਨ ਮਤਵੰਤਾ ॥ ਧਨ ਜਾਗੈ ਜੇ ਪਿਰੁ ਬੋਲੰਤਾ ॥੨॥੫੭੩੭

The husband and wife share the same bed;

The wife goes to sleep but the husband is ever awake;

The wife is inebriated with intoxicants;

She can come out of intoxication if the master calls (M: 5, SGGS, p 737).

The words used above seem to be for physical partners but are really for the spiritual relationship. God and soul are together; the soul is intoxicated by distractions and drifts away but God is unshakable. When God showers grace the soul becomes aware of this and overcomes distractions.

The soul or wife laments when she does not experience love of the Lord or husband:

ਮੈ ਪ੍ਰੇਮੁ ਨ ਚਾਖਿਆ ਮੇਰੇ ਪਿਆਰੇ ਭਾਉ ਕਰੇ ॥ ਮਨਿ ਤ੍ਰਿਸਨਾ ਨ ਬੁਝੀ ਮੇਰੇ ਪਿਆਰੇ ਨਿਤ ਆਸ ਕਰੇ ॥ ੪੪੫੧

I have not earnestly experienced Your love my beloved; because

My mind’s craving for other pleasures is never satiated;

it ever expects more of them (M: 4, SGGS, p 451).

Sooner or later the separated soul or bride feels the pangs of separation and says:

ਮਿਲੁ ਮੇਰੇ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਮਾ ਜੀਉ ਤੁਧੁ ਬਿਨੁ ਖਰੀ ਨਿਮਾਣੀ ॥ ਮੈ ਨੈਣੀ ਨੀਦ ਨ ਆਵੈ ਜੀਉ ਭਾਵੈ ਅੰਨੁ ਨ ਪਾਣੀ ॥੩੨੪੪

Be with me my beloved, I have no value without you;

I cannot sleep nor do I feel like taking food or water (M: 3, SGGS, p 244).

The soul contemplates and realizes that physical pleasures are transitory and connected with the body which is perishable. It therefore needs to be alert:

ਜਾਗ ਲੇਹੁ ਰੇ ਮਨਾ ਜਾਗ ਲੇਹੁ ਕਹਾ ਗਾਫਲ ਸੋਇਆ ॥ ਜੋ ਤਨੁ ਉਪਜਿਆ ਸੰਗ ਹੀ ਸੋ ਭੀ ਸੰਗਿ ਨ ਹੋਇਆ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥੯੭੨੬

Awake my mind, why are you idling carelessly?

Even the body that you were born with will not go with you (M: 9, SGGS, p 726).

When man looks around he notices some people adopting methods to overcome the distractions. These may be pilgrimages and other rituals but realizes:

ਤੀਰਥਿ ਨਾਇ ਅਰੁ ਧਰਨੀ ਭ੍ਰਮਤਾ ਆਗੈ ਠਉਰ ਨ ਪਾਵੈ ॥ ਊਹਾ ਕਾਮਿ ਨ ਆਵੈ ਇਹ ਬਿਧਿ ਓਹੁ ਲੋਗਨ ਹੀ ਪਤੀਆਵੈ ॥੨॥ ੫੨੧੬

Taking ceremonial baths at pilgrim centers or wandering all over does not get honor before God;

They are not useful but only impress other people (M: 5, SGGS, p 216).

The mind devoid of love withers but can be rejuvenated:

ਮਨ ਮਹਿ ਸਿੰਚਹੁ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮ ॥ ਅਨਦਿਨੁ ਕੀਰਤਨੁ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਮ ॥੧॥

ਐਸੀ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਿ ਕਰਹੁ ਮਨ ਮੇਰੇ ॥ ਆਠ ਪਹਰ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਜਾਨਹੁ ਨੇਰੇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥੫੮੦੭

Sprinkle God’s Naam on the mind; remember Divine virtues day in and day out; 1:

O my mind this is how to love God; and experience Him day and night (M: 5, SGGS, p 807).

ਮੁਹੌ ਕਿ ਬੋਲਣੁ ਬੋਲੀਐ ਜਿਤੁ ਸੁਣਿ ਧਰੇ ਪਿਆਰੁ ॥

ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ ਵੇਲਾ ਸਚੁ ਨਾਉ ਵਡਿਆਈ ਵੀਚਾਰੁ ॥ ੧੨

Question: What prayer should we say that God loves us?

Answer: In the ambrosial hours of the morning contemplate on Divine virtues (M: 1, SGGS, p 2).

The mind thus refreshed feels the presence of God within and all round. The mind wants to get nearer:

ਮਨਿ ਚਾਉ ਭਇਆ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਆਗਮੁ ਸੁਣਿਆ ॥

ਹਰਿ ਮੰਗਲੁ ਗਾਉ ਸਖੀ ਗ੍ਰਿਹੁ ਮੰਦਰੁ ਬਣਿਆ ॥

ਹਰਿ ਗਾਉ ਮੰਗਲੁ ਨਿਤ ਸਖੀਏ ਸੋਗੁ ਦੂਖੁ ਨ ਵਿਆਪਏ ॥

ਗੁਰ ਚਰਨ ਲਾਗੇ ਦਿਨ ਸਭਾਗੇ ਆਪਣਾ ਪਿਰੁ ਜਾਪਏ ॥

ਅਨਹਤ ਬਾਣੀ ਗੁਰ ਸਬਦਿ ਜਾਣੀ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਹਰਿ ਰਸੁ ਭੋਗੋ ॥

ਕਹੈ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਆਪਿ ਮਿਲਿਆ ਕਰਣ ਕਾਰਣ ਜੋਗੋ ॥੩੪॥੩੯੨੧

I am inspired to learn of the Lord’s coming.

My mind is the mansion I will welcome Him to;

Come my body, sing the songs of joy, sorrow and suffering will not now afflict you;

Fortunate will be the day when I am at the feet of my beloved;

and I am united with Him through continuous celestial words of the Guru;

The union will be consummated through chanting His virtues;

I already perceive the presence of the Omnipotent Lord (M: 3, SGGS, p 921).

The bride now gets the bed ready. However this bed is not an item of furniture but the longing and devotion of the mind. The love is not between two bodies of flesh and bones but the soul wanting to be with the beloved again; it is spiritual:

ਮੇਰੀ ਸੇਜੜੀਐ ਆਡੰਬਰੁ ਬਣਿਆ ॥

ਮਨਿ ਅਨਦੁ ਭਇਆ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਆਵਤ ਸੁਣਿਆ ॥

ਪ੍ਰਭ ਮਿਲੇ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਸੁਖਹ ਗਾਮੀ ਚਾਵ ਮੰਗਲ ਰਸ ਭਰੇ ॥

ਅੰਗ ਸੰਗਿ ਲਾਗੇ ਦੂਖ ਭਾਗੇ ਪ੍ਰਾਣ ਮਨ ਤਨ ਸਭਿ ਹਰੇ ॥

ਮਨ ਇਛ ਪਾਈ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਧਿਆਈ ਸੰਜੋਗੁ ਸਾਹਾ ਸੁਭ ਗਣਿਆ ॥

ਬਿਨਵੰਤਿ ਨਾਨਕ ਮਿਲੇ ਸ੍ਰੀਧਰ ਸਗਲ ਆਨੰਦ ਰਸੁ ਬਣਿਆ ॥੨॥੫੮੦੭

I have got the bed ready; I have a feeling of bliss since I heard that God is coming;

when I meet Him, I shall feel at peace and joyful;

when He physically touches me, all my pains would have gone;

my mind and body shall blossom; all my desires would have been fulfilled;

I can think only of the Lord, and look forward to the auspicious moment.

I am already having a feeling of being in the company of my Lord and beloved

(M: 5, SGGS, p 807).

When the bliss is experienced the mind is illuminated and there is immense joy:

ਪ੍ਰਗਟਿਆ ਸੂਰੁ ਜੋਤਿ ਉਜੀਆਰਾ ॥ ਸੇਜ ਵਿਛਾਈ ਸਰਧ ਅਪਾਰਾ ॥

ਨਵ ਰੰਗ ਲਾਲੁ ਸੇਜ ਰਾਵਣ ਆਇਆ ॥ ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਪਿਰ ਧਨ ਮਿਲਿ ਸੁਖੁ ਪਾਇਆ ॥੪॥੪॥੫੭੩੭

The sun of grace has risen and the mind illuminated;

I made the bed ready with unlimited devotion;

My youthful beloved has come to bless my bed of devotion;

The union of the Lord Husband and soul bride is so blissful (M: 5, SGGS, p 737).

It would be noticed that the progress on the path of spiritual unification is possible by unqualified devotion and faith. Duality and ego have to be totally given up be it between husband and wife or soul and God or for that matter in any inter-personal relationship. Once again the soul is the common factor in all cases because whatever the physical body does it is on the instructions of the soul:

ਆਪੁ ਗਵਾਈਐ ਤਾ ਸਹੁ ਪਾਈਐ ਅਉਰੁ ਕੈਸੀ ਚਤੁਰਾਈ ॥ ਸਹੁ ਨਦਰਿ ਕਰਿ ਦੇਖੈ ਸੋ ਦਿਨੁ ਲੇਖੈ ਕਾਮਣਿ ਨਉ ਨਿਧਿ ਪਾਈ ॥੧੭੨੨

There is no better wisdom and smartness than to lose ego to win the beloved;

That day is fruitful when the Master bestows grace;

The bride feels blessed with all the treasures (M: 1, SGGS, p 722).

True love brings bliss.